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February 20th, 2012 by Jim

Researching the Obvious

  

Here at DMC, we are big fans of science. Especially the sciences of distilling, barrel aging, wine making, and brewing. Now as far as scientific studies are concerned, we fall in the category of never letting the facts get in the way of a good story. But some scientific studies are so ridiculously obvious, they cannot be ignored. A few of our favorites:

Servers with bigger boobs get bigger tips. In this study, the researchers polled waitresses about their physical attractiveness, including breast size. What they found is the hotter, younger, bustier gals make more money than their plainer, older, less shapely counterparts. So, did we really need a study? Here’s some anecdotal evidence: 1) Men pay tabs more often than women. 2) Men like boobs. 3) I don’t know a single man that won’t admit to rounding up the tip because of the server attractiveness index (SAI). I’m going to go out on a limb and find that a study that went one step further and examined the CEI* would find another direct correlation to bigger tips there too. (*cleavage exposure index)

Performance enhancing drugs make you better at performing. In this study, researchers found that HGH made runners go faster. What’s next, asking Mark McGuire and Barry Bonds if steroids make you hit more home runs. How about if we ask Lyle Alzado if illegal substances make you more of a defensive badass in football. Oh, wait. He’s dead. And before he died, he blamed his impending demise on steroid use.

Men are more interested in casual sex than women. Not me, though. I’m a sensitive, caring, deep, and thoughtful dude.

But, now, we have a new favorite: SCIENCE PROVES THAT ALCOHOL IS FUN! Yes, researchers have now proven that alcohol makes people feel good.

“Drinking alcohol makes people feel better because it produces the same chemicals in the brain as exercising and laughing, a study has proved for the first time.”

A study have proved for the first time? Really? So what about all those thousands of years of evidence? Does that not count for anything?

Now, in fairness, the study is going to be used to help treat alcoholism, but still, we say take heed of these facts: Drink, but drink responsibly. Because it’s fun. Scientists say so.

Cheers,

–JR
Now, in fairness, they did the study to help in work that will lead to helping people with alcoholism.

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