April 21st, 2014 by Dipsomaniac

Thirst is the Mother of Invention – and Deception


We’re about to enter into some prime drinking occasions, DNC readers. The Kentucky Derby will run for the roses on May 3, and Nashville’s own equine boozefest occurs a week later on May 10 with the running of the Iroquois Steeplechase. Both events are glass-free, so booze smuggling requires a little extra ingenuity in cases like these.

Enter The Booze Tube Tampon. $14 buys you 5 plastic tubes disguised as feminine hygiene products that are almost certain to escape detection by any security guard patting you down as you enter the gates at the track. A caveat, though. At 7 1/4″ long, these faux `pons are a little bit longer than the real deal. If you get questioned, be prepared with with a good scowl and a snarl in response, and I’ll bet you get ushered right inside.

I would imagine that you probably wouldn’t even be questioned if you stashed several of these babies in your purse. Be prepared, right? It goes without saying that you should probably have at least one woman in your posse if this is your preferred alcohol delivery device, so try to add a little bit of diversity to the sausage-fest that some corn hole slinging Steeplechase tailgaters have been known to turn into. Ladies make everything better anyway.

It won’t be too much longer before the Titans kick off preseason next summer, so these would also be an excellent way to escape the ever escalating beer prices at LP Field. Not that we’re necessarily advocating taking money away from the team, but if this beer scam at the Seahawks’ stadium is any indication, there’s the possibility that they’ve been gigging us for awhile.


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